I knew this date was approaching and as it was, the lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger. I try not to let my thoughts and emotions get ahead of me. Why predict or get lost in assuming how badly you will feel on a certain day just because it symbolizes a certain thing. I really do try to resist, but the mind is powerful. Emotions are strong … and while I tried to approach today with an open mind and heart, it just sucked.

On April 24th, 2010 my brother posted this status — “if you don’t mind, please keep tuesday, eight years from now, free”. Last year, he posted a reminder — and many of his friends replied that the day was indeed kept free for him. He posted it because one of his pet peeves was people flaking out on plans at the last minute … so perhaps scheduling 8 years in advance would ensure people would actually show up. What a cruel twist of fate that he is not here today. So unbearably cruel.

Eight years ago he posted.

One year ago he reminded.

This year, he’s …

Today was a day of torture.