It’s been a rough week for me. Most of the time I am able to rally and push through and feel good about what I accomplished. On some days I struggle and am unable to push through – and I often regret not trying harder. This week … well, this week was so tough that not only was I unable to push through, but I also didn’t care. It wasn’t good. I know that some people will say that you need to listen to your body and that rest is also important. I absolutely agree. However, this wasn’t about being tired or needing rest. This was about being in so much pain and discomfort that just trying to stand up was difficult. I guess if anyone is feeling that ill then it is understandable to need rest … but still, it annoyed me. I go through this every month. It’s not always as bad as this, but when the pain does get bad, it feels unbearable. {You can read more about my health history here.}

As bad as the pain gets, it’s my mental state that takes the biggest hit. First it’s the bloating – I see it immediately. I can go up 2 dress sizes over night. Along with that comes weight gain of course – and I can go up 5-7 kgs (10-15 lbs) over night as well. Even though I know it is temporary (all this lasts around 2 weeks), it is still so difficult to deal with. Going from feeling strong, healthy, and fit to weak, lethargic, and bloated over night really messes with my head. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel devastated. When will this end? Will it ever end? Will they finally find a solution? I have to go through this every 2 weeks. It really, really messes with my head.

The ‘good’ news is that I finally started to do something about it. A few weeks ago I went to see the doctor and got the ball rolling. I’m still quite unfamiliar with England’s healthcare system, but I’m managing so far. I’ve done my initial consultation and started my lab work. I have my first ultrasound scan in 2 weeks and then I’ll have to start booking appointments with specialists.

What I really want is a permanent solution. I don’t want a temporary, short-term fix. I want it dealt with already. I don’t know how much more I can take.